Moving On..

Upon hearing the news, I was shell-shocked. It took a while for the news to sink in. It has been a long time since I felt this way.

I dislike losing. Since young, I took defeats very hard. I would sulk the whole day or even cry whenever I lose, especially in individual games or whatever 'competitions' between my friends or relatives. But as I grew older, I learnt that there would be a winner and a loser in every competition. I began to learn how to lose graciously and admit that I lost because I was not as good as my opponent.

Things are different this time. Up to now, I still can't believe I lost to someone of such calibre. I'm not sure I would have been any happier if I had won, but I just hate the feeling of losing. The reason why I'm so sore is that I believe I did nothing wrong this time round. False hopes were given to me. I thought I was high and mighty. Maybe that's the reason why I lost: I was too over-confident of myself. As usual, I over-estimated my own abilities. So, I was brought tumbling down to earth when I learnt of my defeat.

I managed to get over the loss a day after hearing the news. But recently, I've been reminded of it again and the disappointment hit me once more and even harder this time round. The sore feeling did not go away quickly and I doubt it would go away anytime soon.

The perfect solution now would be avoidance. Also, things that remind me of the defeat have either been gotten rid of or shelved away out of my sight. It actually took me a while to get rid of that inexpensive thing but once I threw it, I felt a sense of relief. It then struck me that things wouldn't have worked out well even if I had won.

It's time to move on.