Being Paranoid..
I'm suffering from a serious disease: paranoia.
In the long-run, I realise this can be very damaging to my mental state of health. I'm constantly on the guard, not wanting to reveal much about me, my family and my friends. I have the tendency to beat around the bush when sensitive questions are being presented to me. Worse still, I'll ignore them and abruptly change the subject if possible.
When I reflect back on this behaviour of mine, I realise the crux of the problem: I am an extremely untrusting person. I'm always thinking that people must have an ulterior motive for each and every action she or he takes and that cheats are in abundance out there. This doesn't only apply to human beings. I too become very sceptical when good deals are presented to me. This phrase automatically comes to my mind when such good deals arise: there's no free lunch in this world.
Being brought up in an environment where I'm being exposed to stories regarding cheats and the deceitful acts of normal citizens, this had led me to become extremely wary of the people around me. Hence, I tend to take a much longer time to become close friends with anyone. Not that this bothers me much. After all, I'm a person of few words and I always believe in quality rather than quantity.
When someone suddenly becomes very nice to me, the first thought that springs to my mind will be: What does she or he want? At times, I do feel guilty on having such horrid thoughts, especially when that someone happens to be my friend. I find it depressing that I've forgotten that simple goodness actually exists in human beings. Blame it on the dog-eat-dog world we are living in, it's been a long time since I saw a kind or touching gesture from strangers or unfamiliar people. In this stifling environment where everyone is only concerned with his or her survival, few give a hoots about people surrounding them.
Of course at times, my inclination towards being 'safe rather than sorry' helps. I've encountered a fair share of people who are up to no good. However, if I have a choice, I would rather be less paranoid and be more trusting towards my friends.
In the long-run, I realise this can be very damaging to my mental state of health. I'm constantly on the guard, not wanting to reveal much about me, my family and my friends. I have the tendency to beat around the bush when sensitive questions are being presented to me. Worse still, I'll ignore them and abruptly change the subject if possible.
When I reflect back on this behaviour of mine, I realise the crux of the problem: I am an extremely untrusting person. I'm always thinking that people must have an ulterior motive for each and every action she or he takes and that cheats are in abundance out there. This doesn't only apply to human beings. I too become very sceptical when good deals are presented to me. This phrase automatically comes to my mind when such good deals arise: there's no free lunch in this world.
Being brought up in an environment where I'm being exposed to stories regarding cheats and the deceitful acts of normal citizens, this had led me to become extremely wary of the people around me. Hence, I tend to take a much longer time to become close friends with anyone. Not that this bothers me much. After all, I'm a person of few words and I always believe in quality rather than quantity.
When someone suddenly becomes very nice to me, the first thought that springs to my mind will be: What does she or he want? At times, I do feel guilty on having such horrid thoughts, especially when that someone happens to be my friend. I find it depressing that I've forgotten that simple goodness actually exists in human beings. Blame it on the dog-eat-dog world we are living in, it's been a long time since I saw a kind or touching gesture from strangers or unfamiliar people. In this stifling environment where everyone is only concerned with his or her survival, few give a hoots about people surrounding them.
Of course at times, my inclination towards being 'safe rather than sorry' helps. I've encountered a fair share of people who are up to no good. However, if I have a choice, I would rather be less paranoid and be more trusting towards my friends.
posted by The Aspiring Chef @ 5:00 PM
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