Inner Thoughts..

At times, I feel as if I'm living in a cage. I dare not oppose authority. With that, I dare not venture beyond the familiar route. I'm not allowed to pursue whatever I want. I'm told to do what's the best for me even though it's something that I dislike.

It's all something to do with the 'face' problem. The stigma of being labelled 'unemployed' for a period of time is too much for her to bear. To her, sitting at home and waiting is a pure waste of time. Her lack of confidence in me at times really pulls me down as well. To her, all outside jobs are the same with the exception of doctors, lawyers, accountants and of course, teachers. The exceptions are known as something high class called 'professions'. I can't stand her class-consciousness at times. Yes, money talks. My happiness doesn't matter. Her rationale: Every job has a sucky part, just have to bear with it. But she fails to understand that the sucky part of the job for me is the main focus of the job. My main argument is why should I stick to something I have a disdain for when I have other choices.

I don't give a damn about what she says now. It's my life she's talking about here, not hers. I regretted the decision she made for me 13 years ago. Uptil now, I'm still rather sore about it. Maybe life would have been much more different for me now if I've stuck to my decision. But it's pointless blaming her and mulling over it now. I'm not going to repeat the mistake this time round.