Feeling Guilty..

I keep feeling guilty these few days. It all started with attaining the maximum possible grade for my financial tutorial. Any normal person would have been feeling over the moon, especially when seeing at least a couple of people getting Ds. But not me, because half of my answers were initially incorrect. I feel that I don't deserve the grade. Had it not been Jenn, I think I would be joining those unfortunate souls. Ok, maybe not D, but perhaps a Bminus or Cplus, which is equally bad. Anyway, I must thank my lucky stars that Jenn is always allocated the same assignments as me. Not once, not twice, but thrice. Really makes life much easier when you have a smart friend to check answers with.

Another reason for feeling guilty was when I had the intention of going out last weekend even though I have 3 tests, 2 essays and 1 presentation due in the next couple of weeks. Of course, I didn't go out in the end. The guilt feelings were too much to bear.

I feel guilty as I'm thinking of going on another holiday when I've just came back from Finland. I actually declared to my family that that would be my last trip before I graduate. Now, I feel like a useless bummer who only knows how to spend money.

Lastly, I'm feeling guilty right now because instead of solving some complicated equation for macro, I'm blogging and chatting with my 2 friends.

Sigh.. Time to take action instead of just feeling guilty. Stupid macro, here I come.

Lesson Learnt..

I hate being made used of. There's this asshole who 'talks' to me on MSN once a semester juz to fill in some stupid survey form for his freaking module. After that, there's no thank you from him. He'll juz mysteriously go offline or not reply anymore. Bastard.

There's another so called friend who recently only talks to me or calls me when he needs help. And it's not only once or twice. I'm beginning to suspect the motive of him befriending me in the first place. Call me calculative or whatever. I loathe being taken advantage of. Just because I'm his friend, it doesn't mean I'm obliged to help him all the time. I don't mind helping but at least please have some basic courtesy to show some appreciation after that. And I absolutely hate it when he snaps at me and shows me a black face when he's suffering from his frequent mood swings.

At times, it doesn't pay to be kind. You may treat someone as a friend, but that fellow may just be treating you as a fool who can be easily made used of.

On a brighter note, finally had a chance to eat my favourite Indian food today. Got a treat from someone who thinks I'm a superstitious no-lifer who can actually derive pleasure from staying at home to eat, sleep and support Rog. Anyway, really enjoyed the Supermum stories. Too bad Barbara's life isn't as exciting as hers :)

Mahjong Session..

Had 2 rounds of mahjong session at Duckass' place yesterday. Won a few times in the 1st round. My luck nosedived the moment I switched to the seat facing the door in the 2nd round. Had it not been the generosity of GSK, I would have went home peniless. Hence I still made some profit thanks to the red packets I received. But I was the big loser of the day. Or rather, I was the ONLY loser. Haha.

Spent the whole afternoon on my financial tutorial and I still have not completed it. I felt like I was doing Additional Maths Paper 1. Every question requires 2 differention, 1st order and 2nd order. My answers came out to be some weird and long expressions which I suspect has to be wrong. The thought of re-doing them again gives me a headache. But I shall persevere tonight. Maybe I will draw some inspiration after watching the delayed telecast of Rog now.

Btw, Rog's playing the finals at 9pm and Star Sports is, as usual, not showing. Sadly, soccer takes priority over tennis. The Singapore Sports Council and perhaps ESPN should do something to promote tennis to Singaporeans. To me, tennis is definitely more appealing and interesting to watch than soccer. I suspect the popularity of soccer in Singapore has to do with betting. Anyhow, I shall be stationing myself in front of the laptop to catch the livescores. Multi-tasking: Supporting Rog and solving my Financial tutorial. Wish us luck.

Valentine's Day..

Came across this blog from a friend's website while I was taking a break from my Health summary.

http://ihatemyflatmate.blogspot.com/

Can't believe this person would actually take the effort to write an entry each day about her flatmate. I reckon its a female because I can't imagine any saint male who would whine excessively each day about his flatmate. I believe males would take action to solve the problem rather than complain to the whole world and still live with it.

On the subject of buying birthday presents. I dislike searching high and low for birthday presents. I just love it when my good friends tell me exactly what they want. Of course, it must not exceed a certain amount. I'm cheapskate. My philosophy: no point buying something and then having to pray and hope that the other person would like it.

Yesterday: Valentine's Day. Saw many females carry bouquets of flowers. Newspapers advertising aggressively for jewellery. Flowers are an absolute waste of money. What use are flowers of? Breeding mosquitoes? Jewellery are female's best friends. Are they? They are just accessories that one wears to make one look nice. It's all in the mind. I don't derive any utility from wearing some sparkling object.

If my Significant Other can afford it, it's best he gets me something practical, like a car. It's equivalent to the Valentine's Day gifts for the rest of my life. If not, all I wish for is a simple meal together with my Significant Other and perhaps something memorable planned by him, which I can cherish for the rest of my life. Flowers, jewellery and impractical stuff are definitely out.

Swiss Compatriots..

Gorgeous Couple

Aren't they compatible? I dread the thought of Hingis having a steady relationship with Sol Campbell. When pressed by the media whether Sol was her 'new love', Hingis' reply: 'That is too strong a word.' She did admit to 'liking Sol'. But there's a vast difference between liking and loving. Anyhow, I sincerely hope their relationship remains as it is of now or better still, deteriorate. Can't bear the thought of Swiss Miss dating a 30 year old footballer with an illegitimate child (Information courtesy of my good friend).

The Drunkards..

I'll never forget this year's CNY as long as I live. WW3 almost occured. As usual, it was sparked off by Barbara. She started criticizing about some matters to the master of a certain house in a jokingly manner. But obviously, the master is not one who can take criticisms well. To make matters worse, Barbara couldn't tell that he we was going to flare up. He was a bit drunk to begin things with. He started raising his voice. At first, I didn't think much about it. Suddenly he started shouting vulgarities. The whole house went dead quiet, except for the sounds from the tv. The next moment, I turned my head, I saw his daughter, my cousin, crying while her bf and my aunts comforted her. I didn't even know what the heck happened. Anyway, after shouting a few lines to grandma, he went upstairs, shut himself in the room and I never saw him again for the rest of the day.

Everyone was in a festive mood but it was totally spoilt by a drunkard, to be precise, it should be two. I hate drunkards. After getting dead drunk, they forget their promises. When they lose their senses, they make a scene in front of everyone and start scolding the innocent while the guilty party was not even present. The worst part about the drunkard was him reprimanding his daughter in front of her bf. The rest of us heard about his bad temper but we've never ever witnessed it. What an unforgettable CNY. I'm not looking forward to next year's CNY. Just hope that someone learns her lesson that silence is golden. I hate conflicts.

CNY Thoughts..

My body is aching terribly, especially my right arm. Must have been the aftermath of playing 1.5hours of tennis with Mr Lim on Sunday evening. I must admit it was a good workout for me though. Mr Lim must have been so bored as none of the rallys lasted more than 5 strokes. He claimed that his backhand improved tremendously after that because I kept hitting to that side.

For the first time, I'm actually not dreading CNY. I kind of look forward to seeing my relatives. The cousins' gathering used to be once a week. As time passed by, it became once a month. Then it became once in 2 months. After that, it became twice a year, which is the 2 days of CNY. From close playmates, we've been reduced to meer strangers. Every year is a routine. Granny's house for lunch and my place for dinner on the 1st day. At least there's a mahjong set at my house. My two female cousins will be left out as they don't know how to play. So as usual, it's me the only female with 3 other guys. The 2nd day will be at 1st and 2nd aunts' houses. Will be seeing the same people except that my cousins will be bringing their 'other halves'. The inevitable question will be raised to me by the older generation in Mandarin, " You don't have boyfriend huh?" I hate it when they ask that. I used to just laugh off when they ask that. This year, my answer shall be, "I'm still looking around." And with 5 of us (monkeys and dogs) graduating this semester, I can predict the next popular question. "What do you want to work as after you graduate? You study econs, must be banking or teaching then. No? Then study econs for what?".

Anyway, besides the questions asked, I generally enjoy CNY because of the food consumed and the red packets collected. More importantly, it's the only time of the year where our whole extended family get to meet up.

Serena Williams..

I love Serena Williams, so what?
Written By: Tan Jun Xun

Serena Williams battled a rib injury, mastered a hot opponent and claimed her second Australian Open women’s singles title with a 2-6 6-3 6-0 scoreline on 29/01/05. Showing incredible grit, she remarked about a critical point in the second set: ‘I don't care if my arm falls off, I'm not losing this game'. She went on to win that set and crushed Lindsay Davenport in the third set.

But Serena Williams has never been a popular champion. Blame it on her (bad) dress sense, bulging muscles, brassy American voice or her fellow tennis playing sister, Venus. Another reason why people don’t like her is seldom acknowledged: her black skin colour.

Yes, at first glance, Serena Williams does little to endear herself to the neutral spectator. She towers above the other girls, wears outlandish outfits and seems to have such an unfair physical advantage over the other girls that neutrals instinctively root for her underdog opponent. I understand this but wish to take issue with the sneaky attitudes about racism and skin colour (“colourism”)

I remember at this time last year when the Williams sisters were on a roll and the Belgian duo of Kim Clisjters and Justine Henin looked most likely to stop their advance to a grand slam crown. ESPN/Starsports ran a distasteful trailer about whether the “Belgian brigade could stop the forces of darkness”. The trailer was pulled after a while and the blatant colourism so obvious that it was actually funny but how on earth did it ended up on air?

Just think, how many times have we heard similar jokes among our friends as we were watching Serena Williams play? There is no obvious discrimination against her but I am pretty sure that Serena Williams has to put up with insensitive comments from observers of the game. There can be an argument made about how difficult it is to fight against sentiments that people are only willing to display in private but actually harbour.

Hearing “colourist” comments like this, I feel rather sad. I used to have the urge to tell my friends off. But it is a waste of effort. People don’t like being told they are behaving like idiots and say I sound “higher than thou”. I also don’t exactly see myself as some racial relations ambassador as well. So I don’t laugh at those jokes and my friends know where I stand regarding this issue.

Why am I a fan of Serena Williams? Firstly, she’s a pretty darn good tennis player. I admire her personality and her fearlessness in displaying it. So what if she is flamboyant by nature and doesn’t blend into the background? Life would be so boring if everyone wore and did the same things. She adds a lot of spice into a rather dour tennis circuit obsessed with cute Russian players. Plus, I really admire her mental toughness and poise to succeed in an environment where she is the minority and you feel that everyone is willing her to fail.

There has long been a “Kick racism out of football” campaign featuring prominent black footballers like Thierry Henry and Ashley Cole. Granted that black tennis players are really tiny minority on the tennis circuit (off-hand I can only name the Williams sisters and American James Blake) but truly respecting those players is a step towards respecting ourselves as well.

_______________________________________________________________________

The above is written by a friend who's pissed off with racists.

My views? Serena Williams had never been my favourite player, especially after since she kept depriving my beloved Swiss Miss of Grand Slams. Blame it on something called jealousy. I didn't like her powerful ground strokes either, especially her backhand. She's always scooping the ball up from the bottom. In my opinion, Henin's backhand is still the most beautiful to watch. Anyway, as the years went by, the power game in ladies' tennis became prevalent. Hingis simply couldn't keep up with the power of the Williams' sisters and the Russians. Serena went on to win the Serena Slam(beating her sister Venus in all the finals) while Hingis was on the decline and sidelined with injury.

I wasn't really interested in ladies' tennis when my Swiss Miss was not in action. The Russian babes rekindled my interest. I watched most of the ladies' matches for this year's Australian Open. I was actually rooting for Maria Sharapova. But when I watched the match between Sharapova and Serena, I began to switch sides. Serena is a tough competitor who only starts playing well when she seems down and out. She keeps fighting despite being service breaks and match points down. That's what makes the game interesting isn't it? Although her tennis strokes are not as pretty as Henin and others (ok, she does have an asset: her first serve), her mental attitude ought to be commended. How many players possess such great determination?

Anyway, the below question was posed to my idol, Roger Federer:
I was wondering who your favourite players in women’s tennis are?
It used to be Martina Hingis, and now Serena.

Well, since even my Rog highly respects Serena, Serena can now be promoted to my 'favourite female player' list. Despite that, no one can replace my beloved retired Swiss Miss, Martina Hingis.

Second Place..

Man U beat Arsenal in a thriller early this morning. Having been focusing my energy on Roger Federer the past fortnight(mentally exhausting), I found it hard to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to support my favourite soccer team whose play is as erractic as Marat Safin. One game, they can play at a pedastrian's pace with no urgency, and the next game, they will play as if they have been possessed. You never know which team is going to turn up. So, the best solution is just to tape and hope for the best the next morning. Thankfully I got my wish.

Hingis' comeback ended in a defeat. She has no plans to return to competitive tennis. Hiaz. I hope she returns to be a sports commentator. At least, I can still see her at Grand Slams or better still, sitting in Federer's player's box.

Someone has been complaining that my past entries have been filled with nothing but tennis and Roger Federer. Well, that's what my life evolved around for the past 2 weeks. I can't be blogging on something that hasn't been happening to me right? haha. I know you are really interested in some aspects of my personal life, but I shan't be divulging it to the whole world. Perhaps it would be best that you speed up your draggy experiments so that we can meet up. But then again, you've heard things from the other party, so I'm not sure if you are interested in them already unless you want my version of the story:)

Hingis Returns..

The Original Swiss Miss

Martina Hingis makes her return to competitive tennis today following her retirement in 2002. Not sure if it's a possible comeback or she's just playing to raise funds for charity. Of course I hope it would be the former. Haven't seen her in action for a long time. Certainly hope she has become more powerful now. Or maybe she has picked up some new tricks from Mr Roger Federer. Whatever it is, I wish her all the best in the upcoming tournament in Thailand. Her return would be good for woman's tennis and more importantly, for me. One more idol for me to support, just like the good old days :)