Unblemished Record..

My 4 year unblemished driving record came to an end yesterday when I was involved in an accident. I was totally shell-shocked when this stupid van came speeding down onto my left and scratched the part of my car above my left front wheel. It happened at the merging lane. I'm not 100% fault free as I didn't signal. But that doesn't mean the van driver is not responsible as he was definitely above the speed limit. I didn't get to see the extent of the damage till I reached my destination as Mr Lim was the one who got out of the car to settle matters with the van driver. The damage wasn't as bad as I thought. It was slightly dented but there were quite a bit of scratches. I was relieved upon seeing it. But after getting back on to the car, my heart ached and my eyes got watery. I felt so guilty for damaging my car. I've always treated my car as a human being and I was terribly upset upon seeing it get hurt. I felt so sorry for my car. For the rest of the day, I behaved like a zombie.

What I found amusing was the different kind of reactions I got from my parents and brother. Mr Lim told me that accidents happened all the time and told me to stop brooding over it. My dad was like, "Aiyah, small matter, no scratches on the door right? Then never mind." My mum said that too initially, but after a while, she couldn't resist asking what actually happened and whose fault was it. "See! Never signal lah, always laugh at me when I signal. Make sure you learn your lesson. Must signal at least 30 seconds to give people ample notice. Those kind of vans, you think they care even if they had seen you? They will juz squeeze their way through."

Whatever it is, I am going to fork out for the repair damages the moment my first pay cheque comes in. By the way, the van driver actually demanded $200 from Mr Lim upon getting down his van. Of course Mr Lim wasn't going to let him get a single cent. His van was barely damaged as his back bumper scratched against my car. Anyway even if it was, I'm quite certain it doesn't need $200 for repairs. My repairs would cough out to be less than $200, so his is defintely nowhere near mine.

My only consolation is that I took close to 4 years to get my car damaged while Mr Lim took 4 days. But still, the fact is that I single-handedly damaged my beloved car. There's no way I can get rid of this guilt even after paying for the damages. And I would be constantly reminded of it the next few days as I'm only going to get it repaired this Friday. I can't afford to have my car lying in the mechanic for a day because I would need it to get to my workplace.

Oh, forgot to mention an uncanny coincidence. The car plate number of the van coincides the first 4 digits of my IC number. Perhaps I should go buy 4D after all it's my first major car accident. Hopefully the win would help liften up my spirits.

Neighbourhood Schools..

I've to admit I do not have a good impression of students from neighbourhood schools. Perhaps it has something to do with stereotyping and the fact that I do not have close friends from neighbourhood schools (with the exception of one, but she only entered one because she didn't sit for PSLE). The information I gather about these students are from newspapers and 'horror' stories from Barbara. With regards to newspaper articles, it's mostly about them getting involved in gang fights or crimes. As for Barbara, she complains about them being roudy, inattentive and disrespectful. This is not to say that ALL of them behave this way. A handful of them behaving like that is enough to create a bad impression of them in my head.

I hate to say this but I feel that I behave like an elitist. This is most evident when I entered a neighbourhood JC. Coming from an autonomous secondary school, I felt superior as most of my classmates came from neighbourhood schools. In fact, I suffered from a 'culture shock' when I first stepped in there. Mostly spoke Mandarin and their standard of English was quite atrocious. Not many people faithfully did their tutorials. In other words, their work attitude was terrible. This was especially so in my JC2 class (which only took 3 A Level subjects). It was quite easy to top the class, especially for GP and Mathematics C. I seldom bothered to mix around as I couldn't communicate with many of them. These people are nice but somehow, there seems to be a gulf between us in terms of mentality, attitude and thinking. And I always laughed at the way they addressed whichever tutor. Instead of "Miss Tan" or whatever, they would shout out "Cher!" (teaCHER). To sum it all, I found the behaviour of most neighbourhood students (those in my class) odd. To be fair to them, I'm just too prim and proper. So I guess it ain't their fault.

So it wasn't surprising when being asked which kind of schools I prefer to teach in, without any hesitation, I answered "branded schools". I immediately regretted my frank answer. But now that I step back and think about it, the reason why I said it was because I don't know what to expect of a neighbourhood secondary school. The greatest fear for most situations is not knowing what to expect. It's just like interviews or sometimes exams. Most people get worried because they are unsure of what would be asked or tested. It's the same for me. Hearing and reading about neighbourhood students is one matter. Witnessing them behaving in a classroom is another. Thus, in reality, I have no idea what a neighbourhood school is like. By stereotyping, as from what I encounter whenever I pass by a neighbourhood school, I reckon most of them to be ah bengs and ah lians . As I'm far from an ah lian, I'm in fact a little wary on how to deal with them. All I hope for now is that my impression of them would not be reinforced when I step in the classroom this Wednesday.

Sleepless Night..

My attempts to sleep early these few night have failed miserably. I go to bed around 11pm in the hope of just dozing off and waking up early. However, I either end up listening to this CD that I bought on an impulse or read some magazine/book, which just makes things worse by delaying my sleeping time and waking up time. Surprisingly I did none of the above last night. I lay on bed, shut my eyes, hugged my teddy bear tight, and subconsiously started analyzing the so-called 'relationship matters' revolving the people around me..

Starting with the gals.

1) Female A is a weirdo. Her potential partner is rich, quite good-looking, possesss above average intelligence and willing to sacrifice anything for Female A. Female A enjoys the times spent together with Guy. However, Female A refuses to admit that she's dating Guy. Female A thinks that there will be no future between she and Guy. Reason? Female A strictly adheres to her 'no kids' principle. Guy probably can't accept that. So, Female A maintains, "We are just friends.", even though their behaviour together mirrors just like any other dating couple.

2) Female B is rich, pretty and in her own words, "bimbotic". Female B has set her sights on getting married at the age of 25, which leaves her slightly less than 2 years to do so. Problem? Female B has no bf. Female B has been going out on dates set by her colleagues and close friends but to no avail. Recently, she has finally found a target who meets her strict criteria. Another problem though. The target is attached.

3) Female C spends all her time watching dramas and movies revolving a rich, cute guy and a poor girl. She dreams of having a Prince Charming but makes no attempt to take any action in finding. Perhaps she believes in fate: One fine day while waiting at her bus-stop, her Prince Charming would drive past and pick her up in his SLK. The real reason I suspect she is not worried is because her family back home has already arranged a matchmaking session with her Prince Charming.

4) Female D has to seek approval from her Pastor on whether she can go steady with a certain Guy. Needless to say, the Guy has to be a Christian. If the Pastor says No, just too bad for them. According to Female D, "everything is in God's hands".

5) Female E has sold her soul to God. Enough said.

6) Female F knows what she wants, but just can't find her Mr Right. Female F won't commit to a relationship unless she's 90% confident about the future between the two of them. Female F has been contemplating whether to lower her expectations, or to be left on the shelf.

Moving on to the guys.

1) Male A changes gf at every new stage of his life. Male A behaves as if nothing had happened after each breakup or quarrel. His behaviour makes me wonder whether he has ever been serious in each of his failed relationship.

2) Male B seems to be the exact opposite of Male A. He gets upset and sleepless nights after each quarrel with his gf. Despite the vast differences in ideals and lifestyles between he and his gf, he still treasures the relationship a lot and wants a future to hold for them.

3) Male C has set his target but just don't know how to make the first move.

4) Male D has the future layed out for himself and his family. However, he doesn't have a gf. No worries for him though. Calling himself a love expert, he has been 'shopping' around and would only make the move when he has found the 'perfect one' that fits.

5) Male E seems unable to let go of the past. He has many female friends and acts like a total bua ya but being a devoted guy, he's still waiting for his ex. At the meantime, he looks out for chio bus (regardless of race) to satisfy his lust.

6) Male F has a phobia of commitment and marriage. He is satisfied with his current lifestyle. Having a female companion is enough. A marriage is just an unnecessary formality to him.

It's weird that I actually did such a thorough job analyzing the people around me while I was sleeping. The world is actually filled with so many different characters. I guess that's what makes life so interesting.

NUS Days..

Me and Qiuxuan

Photo taken by ourselves in the AS7 Computer Lab while researching for information for our Health Economics Project. I must admit it's the most relaxing project I've done in NUS.


Financial Economics Buddies

Outside AS6 Photocopying room 'discussing' past year exam papers after our last Financial Economics lecture. 'Discussing' seems inappropriate. We ended up copying Jennifer's answers, as usual :)


Cheat Sheet

My disgusting handwriting, more often regarded as Indian scripts. Trying to squeeze a whole semester's work into a piece of A4 sheet requires much technique.

Nostalgic mood. I miss schooling, especially in NUS. Those were the least stressful times in my formal education. Only needed to concentrate on studying. 4 day week. What more can one ask for? Commencement on 14th July 2005 marked the end of my whole education chapter. Would be entering the labour force soon. I'm sad that 19 years of schooling have come to an end.

Moving On..

Upon hearing the news, I was shell-shocked. It took a while for the news to sink in. It has been a long time since I felt this way.

I dislike losing. Since young, I took defeats very hard. I would sulk the whole day or even cry whenever I lose, especially in individual games or whatever 'competitions' between my friends or relatives. But as I grew older, I learnt that there would be a winner and a loser in every competition. I began to learn how to lose graciously and admit that I lost because I was not as good as my opponent.

Things are different this time. Up to now, I still can't believe I lost to someone of such calibre. I'm not sure I would have been any happier if I had won, but I just hate the feeling of losing. The reason why I'm so sore is that I believe I did nothing wrong this time round. False hopes were given to me. I thought I was high and mighty. Maybe that's the reason why I lost: I was too over-confident of myself. As usual, I over-estimated my own abilities. So, I was brought tumbling down to earth when I learnt of my defeat.

I managed to get over the loss a day after hearing the news. But recently, I've been reminded of it again and the disappointment hit me once more and even harder this time round. The sore feeling did not go away quickly and I doubt it would go away anytime soon.

The perfect solution now would be avoidance. Also, things that remind me of the defeat have either been gotten rid of or shelved away out of my sight. It actually took me a while to get rid of that inexpensive thing but once I threw it, I felt a sense of relief. It then struck me that things wouldn't have worked out well even if I had won.

It's time to move on.

Dog Matters..

As if stripping wasn't bad enough, in his latest album, my former idol Alex To even went to the extent of singing some dog barking song. I wouldn't even call it a song. Noise would be more appropriate. After hearing 10 seconds of that 'song', I had to switch the radio station. If not, that irritating 'melody' would come to haunt me when I'm trying to sleep at night. It saddens me that Alex To has to degrade to such a standard. At the meantime, I'll just have to be contended with his decade old CDs.

I can't understand how some married couples can derive pleasure from substituting children with dogs/cats. Rearing pets carries less responsibility. If you are in a foul mood, you can shout at the poor animal or simply ignore it. Should you be in high spirits, you can bring the pet for a stroll and buy clothes/accessories to doll it up (which I find it superbly ridiculous). Taking care of a pet costs less than a child. A dog doesn't need to receive an education. Neither do you need to make sure your dog grows up to be an upright animal. However, does a dog have feelings? Does a dog have any thoughts? Or rather, can a dog express itself verbally? In what way does an animal replace a child? Is it because the animal is incapable of speech and arguing back at you? Or is it because the animal would meekly obey you? Tell it to sit and it will most probably sit. Tell a child to sit and he'll most probably ignore you. Yes, I agree that most dogs would bark in joy when the owner comes back. However, the human touch seems to be lacking here. Furthermore not all dogs recognize its owners. Just read in today's newspapers that a dog attacked it's owner's child. That damn dog had been terrorizing other smaller dogs and people in the neighbourhood. The poor child was screaming in pain when the dog attacked him. That damn dog doesn't even recognise a person it has been living with for years. Whatever it is, it just disgusts me when married couples say they prefer having pets than children. Otherwise, I'm absolutely fine with married couples who do not wish to have children. It's their own wish.

I feel some dog owners ought to be educated. A few dog owners in my neighbourhood do not bother picking up their dog's shit outside other people's compound once their dogs have performed their nature's call. It's definitely not a nice sight when I come home and get greeted by stinking fly-infested shit. Letting their dog shit right outside my house is bad enough. Not picking up the mess is worse. There are other more 'considerate' dog owners who would pick up the mess. However they dispose it into my rubbish bin! For goodness sake, I don't own the dog. Dog owners should jolly well throw their dog shit into their own rubbish bin. Imagine my poor maid who opens our rubbish bin cover and be overwhelmed with dog shit and that stench. It amazes me that such selfish people actually exist. Where have all the years of moral education learnt in schools gone to? Very soon, I'll have to install a video camera outside my gate to catch the culprits. I'll not hesitate to give the dog owners a piece of my mind when I find out who they are. I hate inconsiderate people.

My Cousins..

We cousins used to be very close. Weekly meetings were held without fail at each of our houses. We played almost everything together. Board games (Risk, Cluedo, Monopoly), sports (badminton, swimming), childish games (hide-and-seek, catching, 5 stones, barbie dolls, lego) and card games (UNO, Donkey) were the most common activities we engaged in. However, the weekly meet-ups were slowly reduced to monthly meetings due to something called exams. A certain aunt felt that studies were more important than maintaining bonds.

Things got worse when we entered secondary schools. As each of us began a new chapter and started building our social lives within our own network, the need to meet-up between us cousins was greatly diminished. Within a few years, we were practically reduced to meer strangers who met up only during the first 2 days of CNY. The first day of every subsequent CNY was not so bad. After all, having not caught up with one another for such a long period of time, there were bound to be matters to talk about. However, by the second day, we would run out of things to say. Some cousins won't even bother turning up while others disappear to their gf's/bf's place leaving behind the younger ones (which obviously includes me) being bored to tears.

Now that almost all of us have graduated, the meetings have suddenly came back. That same aunt who initially reduced the meeting-up sessions has been the organizer so far. Things are no longer so awkward now that we've grown older and that some of us are going to share the same profession in the near future. But having been apart and not constantly keeping up-to-date with one another's lives, I find it hard to maintain the ties that we once shared. Each of us is so different now. We each lead our own lives. We each have our own priorities in life. We no longer have as many common interests. We are no longer the small kids who will get together just to play games and have fun. Some of us would rather not meet-up as there are other more exicting things lined up in our agenda.

I feel that my aunt's actions have come a bit too late. Re-building bonds between a group of dissimilar adults would definitely be an arduous task.

Wimbledon Champion..

Wimbledon Champion, Roger Federer.

Rog produced a flawless display of tennis and showed everyone why he's the undisputable King of Grass when he dismantled the 2nd seeded Roddick in 3 straight sets. All my pre-match nerves were quickly erased the moment the 1st ball was struck. The first set was gone within 21 minutes with 2 breaks of serves by Rog. The set was clinched with an on-rushing Roddick being passed by a clinical crosscourt backhand that just clipped the sideline. It all seemed too easy for Rog that I worried he would doze off to his 'sleep mode' when he didn't even need to break a sweat.

The second set was a much closer affair. I was proven right when Rog was broken in the 3rd game with a string of uncharacteristic unforced errors. To the neutral tennis fans, finally a match was on. Rog failed to break in the next game and Roddick led 3-1. I was getting nervous now. But Rog stepped up a gear and produced winner after winner to break back. I was feeling more relaxed now. Although he wasted 2 set points on the Roddick serve at 5-4, Rog didn't look frustrated at all. He was still so calm and composed while I lamented the loss of them. I wondered whether the 2 set points would come back to haunt him. The inevitable tie-break came and Rog quickly moved to a 3-0 lead. However, his concentration let him down once more and the lead was cut to 3-2 with points being on serve. Sensing danger, Rog stamped his authority with breathtaking shots that left the spectators gasping for air. Roddick was clearly frustrated when he smashed his racket while trailing 5-2. Soon, the set was over with Rog winning 7-2 on the tie-break.

The weather gods seems to pity Roddick and decided to give him a timely break. Rain drops fell onto the Centre Court and play was suspended for approximately 15 minutes. Would there be a revival for Roddick? After all, last year, Rog was greatly helped by the rain as he was totally outplayed in the 1st set. Play resumed and Roddick produced his first double fault of the match. Were my worries unfounded? Anyway, Roddick came out a totally different player. His trademark booming forehands which troubled Rog last year started coming. But Rog was well-prepared and broke Roddick for a 4-3 lead. By then Rog was just concentrating on holding his own serve and not applying any sort of pressure on the Roddick serve. Serving for the set has always proven to be difficult for Rog. These fears were quickly dismissed when Rog served 2 outrageous aces. The second was even on a second serve. At 30-0, Rog put in a good serve which Roddick somehow manage to retrieve. However, with an open court to play, Rog dumped a simple backhand into the net and showed that he's human after all. At match point, Rog served an unreturnable serve to Roddick's backhand. After 1h 41min, it was game, set, match. Rog sunk to his knees and finally let his emotions run. Tears flowed from his eyes. Everyone in the stadium gave him a standing ovation, and so did all the long-suffering Rog fans watching from their living rooms.

Grandma's Worries..

Recent conversations with my Grandma and my good friend struck me that I'm no longer getting young. After celebrating my good friend's birthday a few days back, I just realised I'm reaching a grand age of 23 at the end of the year.

Grandma has been especially worried about my singlehood status for the past few months. Whenever I step out of the house, she would no doubt ask who I'm going out with. If I mention my usual female friend's name, she'll just leave it as it is. But if I keep telling her that I'm going out with a female, she'll get concerned and start questioning me in Hainanese, "Why your friends all girls? You got no guy friends huh? You too stuck-up is it?"

At times, when I decided to be completely honest with her, I realised I made a grave mistake.

Grandma : Where did you go just now?
Me : Went out.
Grandma : With who?
Me : Friend.
Grandma: Guy or Girl?
Me : Guy.
Grandma : How old is he? How do you know him? How many siblings does he have? What are his parents working as? How tall is he? Working already or not? Work as what? Earn how much? What's he like? Nice or not? Where he stay? What kind of housing? etc.............

After answering her barrage of questions to my utmost ability, she would go,

Grandma : So, you like him or not?
Me : Ok loh, just friends, nothing else.
Grandma: That's it? Really not interested at all?
Me : Hmm, ya, no sparks but can talk lah.
Grandma: Aiyah, why like that? Anyway, next time don't go out with him already then.
Me : Huh?
Grandma: Ya, if you go out with him again, he may get the wrong impression and think you are interested in him. Don't waste his time and your time also.

I don't know whether to be amused or exasperated with her. To people of her generation, a guy going out with the same girl twice is equivalent to marriage. The word 'platonic' probably doesn't exist in her dictionary. There's absolutely no point in explaining to her that good friends can be of the opposite sex.

Anyway, that's not all. Brother's friends, neighbours and her san gu liu po's grandsons all become her potentional grandson-in-law. And I get damn embarrassed when she starts boasting to her friends how great her granddaughter is in her vain attempts to marry me off. Her favourite phrase, "Whoever marries my granddaughter would be the luckiest man on earth." I feel like puking whenever she says that. Her granddaughter here can't cook or sew, doesn't wash the dishes or clean the house, only knows how to eat, sleep and watch tv. In what way would my husband be fortunate if he marries me?

Whatever it is, I've learnt my lesson. I'm never ever going to tell her that I'm going out with Tom, Dick or Harry. I wouldn't want to be in for an interrogation. As for her matchmaking tactics, there's no stopping her unless the day comes when I introduce my potential husband to her, which I suspect, would be a long time to come.